Speed Racer: Movie Review (2008)

Fresh from the fires of Hell, a failure

Written and directed by the Wachowski Brothers, 135 minutes, rated PG.

The unbearable new Wachowski Brothers movie, “Speed Racer,” forgot to bring the speed, it forgot to bring the fun and it forgot to remember that restraint, even in an action movie, can make individual scenes of action more exciting if there are moments of calm to set them off.

That isn’t the case here.

This empty, annoyingly overwrought movie roars with dizzying flashes of color, sound and light, but given the film’s bloated running time (135 minutes!), its boring characters, dim script, junk performances and absolute lack of momentum, the movie’s engine doesn’t just stall. It catches fire and explodes, right in your face.

This film isn’t just a dog--it’s the whole dog pound. Ever been to a Pachinko parlor? This movie is akin to that, especially if you spend your time there hammering your head against one of the machines. And even then you wouldn’t come close to realizing the chaos that’s achieved here.

The Wachowskis wrote the script from the popular 1960s “Speed Racer” cartoon series, itself a delicate concoction of corny throwaways wrapped around appealingly crude anime that existed best in the painted realm of another’s imagination.

The Wachowskis failed to bring the cartoon to life, but they did succeed in driving people out of my screening. That likely wasn’t the desired outcome, but that’s still the case. Of note was one particularly fidgety child, who bolted from his seat midway through and made for the exit, with his father in hot pursuit. It’s tough to blame them. Given the restlessness of the crowd, some of us watched them move toward the light and the promise of escape it offered with a pang of envy.

About the movie. It stars Emile Hirsch in a major comedown after his terrific performance in one of last year’s best films, “Into the Wild.” Here, Hirsch is Speed, who has had racing in his blood ever since he was a child, when he idolized his older brother, Rex (Scott Porter), a champion driver who lost his life in a crooked competition that stained the sport.

Now, as a young adult, it’s Speed who’s in the driver’s seat, with his mother (Susan Sarandon), father (John Goodman), little brother (Paulie Litt) and the family’s pet chimpanzee all cheering him on from the sidelines. Joining them there is Speed’s romantic interest, Trixie (Christina Ricci, wasted), but working to undo him is the evil Royalton (Roger Allam), who wants to crush Speed when he refuses to race for Royalton’s questionable corporation.

Also in the mix is the mysterious Racer X (Matthew Fox) and Korean singing sensation Rain as the Japanese racer Taejo, who join forces with Speed to bring the sport back to its glory days, which will mean trumping Royalton for good.

What unfolds is a muddled plot that should have matched the winding loops and curves of the tracks upon which Speed races. It doesn’t. This is a movie that’s so unimaginative when it comes to its storyline and its underdeveloped characters, which are really what matter, that it tarts up the tedium with nightmarish, quick-cut editing, and ongoing eruptions of color and bombast meant to distract us from the fact that there’s nothing here.

Too bad the Wachowskis failed to pull that off, too.

Grade: D-

The Golden Compass: DVD, Blu-ray Review (2008)

“The Golden Compass”

Chris Weitz's "The Golden Compass" is undeniably a great-looking movie. A very good Nicole Kidman, for instance, is a golden vision of cinematic perfection, slinking with menace through an otherwise imperfect film stymied by a dense script and a chafe, baited ending that offers more disappointment than satisfaction.

Weitz based his script on the first book in Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy, and he used his $180 million budget to create a world that hovers somewhere between the sterility of science fiction and the richness of fantasy. As a result, the movie can be beautiful and harrowing, but too often, also canned and derivative.

In many ways, "Compass" will remind viewers of 2005's "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe," a superior film that grabbed audiences from the start with its well-rounded characters and the seamless incorporation of its special effects, which were among that year's best.

Though "Compass" follows "Narnia" in that it created something of a stir within the restless Catholic League, which condemned the movie for what it views as atheist undertones, it otherwise is nowhere on par with "Narnia."

What's missing isn't just a sense of magic to the production and a clear idea of all the evil working to undo young Lyra (Dakota Blue Richards), who is in possession of the golden compass of the title, an alethiometer used to mine the truth in all things asked of it. What's critically missing is soul, momentum and a lasting element of danger, all of which would have helped "Compass" match "Narnia's" operatic tone.

About the compass of the title. Lyra receives it from her uncle, Lord Asriel (Daniel Craig, wasted), who instructs her to keep it hidden from Kidman's Mrs. Coulter, a glam tour-de-force who represents the Magisterium (or the Catholic Church--you decide), and who is all about crushing free will in children.

Helping Lyra fight Coulter and the Magisterium is the warrior polar bear Iorek Byrnison (Ian McKellen)--whose battle with Ragnar (Ian McShane) allows the movie its much-needed slice of action--as well as the Gyptians, scores of witches and even Sam Elliott as a gun-toting cowboy. And there’s more--too much more, really--with the movie eventually collapsing beneath the weight of all its unanswered questions.

Grade: C+

The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep-Movie, DVD, Blu-ray Review (2008)

“The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep” DVD, Blu-ray

Based on Dick King-Smith’s novel (he wrote “Babe”), a fine reimagining of the Loch Ness monster legend. The location is the coast of Scotland, the time is World War II, and the action involves what happens when young, lonely Angus MacMorrow (Alex Atel) comes upon a sizable egg that hatches into a slippery, pecular creature Angus names Crusoe.

While Crusoe grows…and grows…and grows...these two form a fierce friendship, which naturally is threatened by those who fear all that Angus has come to love.

On high-definition, the cinematography is especially noteworthy (the movie was shot in new Zealand). As Angus’ parents, Emily Watson and Ben Chaplin easily override the cliches. As for the family befuddled dog, well, he needs his own movie.

Rated PG. Grade: B

View the trailer below:

Hardball: Movie, DVD Review (2001)

It gets to second base

Directed by Brian Robbins, written by John Gatins, rated PG-13.

(Originally published 2001)

Sometimes, even the most shameless, formulaic movies can be lifted by a performance, a scene or a moment that transcends the material and turns it into something that’s at least, in part, worth watching.

Such is the case with Brian Robbins’ little league heart-warmer, “Hardball.” The best thing about the movie is the inner-city kids Robbins has gathered to play the game--they’re wonderful, natural, first-time actors, giving the film a depth and a soul it never would have had without them.

In the film, Keanu Reeves is Conor O’Neill, a hardluck gambler thousands of dollars in debt to a group of muscle-head bookies eager to get their money back. After being beaten to a pulp for refusing to pay off one of his debts, Conor has an epiphany: His life might literally be hitting the skids--which is why, after a forced series of events, he finds himself coaching a little league team in Chicago’s Cabrini-Green housing project for $500 a week.

For the boozy, complacent Conor, it’s an easy gig--all he has to do is show up, collect his check and pay off those looking to lynch him. But as he comes to know this rag-tag team of underdog players, he predictably grows to love them as he himself grows as a person.

In the film’s trailer and television ads, “Hardball” looks like a squeaky-clean, fun-loving family film, which it certainly is when its young players aren’t being subjected to shootouts, asthma attacks, murders and funerals--or, perhaps more notably, when they’re not unleashing a stream of expletives at the screen.

The film is based on Daniel Coyle’s gritty book, “Hardball: A Season in the Projects,” and Robbins, working from a script by John Gatins, has wisely retained some of its sourcebook’s inner-city edge.

Still, the results are mixed. The film, which feels like a cross between “The Bad News Bears” and “Boyz N the Hood,” works best when it sticks to the lessons learned on the playing field. But when it gives in to the manipulative demands of the Hollywood marketing machine and starts firing off rounds of purple prose and a cliched love story between Reeves and Diane Lane, the film bats itself--and audiences--straight into the most desolate corners of left field.

Grade: C+

Enchanted: DVD, Blu-ray Review (2008)

“Enchanted” DVD, Blu-ray

Disney’s hit, fish-out-of-water comedy succeeds as well as it does because it understands the affection surrounding the studio’s earliest animated projects, and because it knows there always is room for some good-natured hair pulling, which is what gives this enjoyable movie such a surprising edge.

Amy Adams is Princess Giselle, who is set to marry Prince Edward (James Marsden) and naturally live happily ever after when Susan Sarandon’s Queen Narissa complicates everything by sending Giselle out of their animated world and into the real world.

There, she meets Patrick Dempsey’s Robert, where romantic complications ensue, particularly when Edward comes to fight for her hand.

Marked by Adams irrepressible charm, several complex musical numbers and a clever script, this movie lives up to its name.

Rated PG. Grade: A-

View the video review here. It's the first of three in the set:

Horton Hears a Who!: Movie Review (2008)

One for the little guy

Directed by Jimmy Hayward and Steve Martino, written by Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio, 88 minutes, rated G.

The latest movie based on one of Dr. Seuss’ illustrated children’s books is Jimmy Hayward and Steve Martino’s “Horton Hears a Who!,” which really is two movies in one--but let’s not consider that a bargain just yet. Some elements in this computer-generated extravaganza are a shade too bargain basement to suit, especially when compared to the richness of its source material.

While none of those qualities extend to the beautifully detailed animation, which successfully captures the bizarre quirkiness of Seuss’ world, the same can’t be said for the awkward way screenwriters Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio try to bridge the gap between Seuss’ work and their own. What we have here is a movie that shrewdly takes as much of Seuss’ words and story as possible--that’s the good news--before it fleshes out the slim story with less-creative elements.

And that’s the problem. The world Seuss created in 1954 for “Horton Hears a Who!” is timeless. It is, in fact, without a time. It might have been created by Seuss as a reaction to McCarthyism, but its strengths nevertheless exist in imagination. So, the idea that the filmmakers have updated the story with a host of pop-culture references--from global warming to the addition of the Who phone--is unnecessary and distracting, and it steals away at least some of the book’s charm.

But not all of it--the bones of Seuss’ tale do remain in place. The better news is that this is the best big-screen adaption yet of Seuss’ work, easily trumping the live-action wrecks, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” and “The Cat in the Hat.”

The film follows Horton (voice of Jim Carrey), a gentle elephant busy bathing one day when he comes upon a speck knocked loose from a flower.

When the speck floats past him, Horton hears tiny screams emanating from it that ignite in him a rush to protect it. Trouble is, now that he has it in his possession, he must convince others in his rough-and-tumble jungle community that what he hears within that puff of dust is another world, one that might be far smaller and different than theirs, but which nevertheless is worth saving.

Good luck to Horton. Indeed, for him the problem is that only he has heard and communicated with the speck’s inhabitants--the Whos of Who-ville--a curious race governed by Who-ville’s bumbling mayor (Steve Carell), who is trying to make his Whos understand that their lives are in danger.

Making matters worse for them all is the character who doubts Horton most, the self-righteous, crazed fanatic Kangaroo, who is voiced with such sneering menace by Carol Burnett, the only person who could best her small-minded evil is Oklahoma state representative Sally Kern. But maybe they'll use her in the sequel.

Anywho, what ensues is a movie that finds the Whos joining together to be heard while Horton literally is imprisoned and mistreated for trying to help. The ending is especially powerful and intense, with Horton literally going through Hell to help the little guy. And here is where the movie presses into the uneasy realm of politics. Since Horton is played by an elephant and not a donkey, one has to wonder at what point some bright star in Washington might view him as a viable running mate for the republican presidential nominee, John McCain.

In that circus, anything can happen.

Grade: B-

View the video review below:

The Seeker: The Dark is Rising DVD Review (2008)

"The Seeker: The Dark is Rising"

A mess, though you sense while watching it that it could have been tweaked into something more promising had it not been twisted into something so convoluted.

Alexander Ludwig is Will Stanton, a pouty, 14-year-old American boy living in a small British nowhere with a large family of little flavor.

When into his life come the Light and the Dark--otherwise known as good and evil--Will is pressed into action to keep the dark from rising. Or else, you know, evil with reign.

Guiding him through his dull journey are the Old Ones, with Merriman Lyon (Ian McShane, wasted) and Miss Greythorne (Frances Conroy, ditto) informing Will that he has special powers (which he rarely chooses to use) and encouraging him to seek out the six signs of light.

To do so, he must travel through time, find the signs in bouts of chaos, and collect them so he can build a defense against the dark side, which is personified by the Rider (Christopher Eccleston).

Trouble is, since Will is the seventh son of a seventh son, with all that implies, pulling away from the dark side proves something of a challenge--just not a very entertaining one.

Read the full, unedited version of this review here.

Rated PG. Grade: C-

Bee Movie: DVD, HD DVD Review (2008)

"Bee Movie" DVD, HD DVD

The work of drones.

Jerry Seinfeld's pet project is so polished, its edges have been rubbed smooth. Set in New Hive City, the movie follows Barry B. Benson (voice of Seinfeld), a bee fresh out of college who is inspired to get humans out of the honey business, and allow some down time for the over-worked bumbles.

Helping him in that task is Vanessa (Renee Zellweger), a florist with boyfriend troubles who agrees to help Barry in his quest to sue the human race for enslavement and thievery.

Eventually, they wind up in court and it’s here, in the film’s second half, that it finally leaps to life. This is due in great part to the human race's hefty lawyer Layton T. Montgomery (John Goodman, excellent), who is given to marvelous bouts of histrionics, and also to the fallout that springs from the trial, which is dire. After all, what is the world to do if Barry actually wins his case? Has anyone considered the ramifications? Bees already are in dangerously short supply. If they stop pollinating flowers and plants, wouldn’t a worldwide collapse ensue?

That’s a serious subject to explore, but in a cartoon that would rather squeeze the life out of every bee pun it can get its hands on, the big monster in this movie isn't the human race, but those humans who failed to make a compelling film in the first place.

Rated PG. Grade: C

View the hi-def video review by clicking here.

View a low-res version of the video review by clicking below:

The Spiderwick Chronicles, Jumper and Definitely, Maybe: Movie Reviews (2008)

After weeks of reviewing as many Academy Award-nominated films as possible before the Academy Awards hit last Sunday, this site has sorely lacked reviewing newer, more popular fare now in theaters.

So, here’s some atonement — a rundown of three films available everywhere.



First up is Mark Waters’ "The Spiderwick Chronicles," which is based on Tony DiTerlizzi and Holly Black’s popular series of books. Karey Kirkpatrick, David Berenbaum and John Sayles are credited with the screenplay, but it’s likely that they don’t mention it. In spite of the talent on display here, the result is an uneven effort, to say the least.

Freddie Highmore plays two characters, twins Jared and Simon, with Jared’s bold combativeness in stark contrast to Simon’s more, shall we say, delicate demeanor. Sarah Bolger is their older sister Mallory, who conveniently knows her way around a sword, and Mary-Louise Parker is their recently divorced mother, who has left New York and moved them all into one mother of a haunted house far away in the country.

to get its hands on that book for reasons best notNaturally, that house is bulging with mysteries and problems, most of which are unleashed when Jared finds an ancient-looking book written by Arthur Spiderwick (David Strathairn) and opens it in spite of warnings not to do so. When he does, a wealth of computer-generated freaks and monsters spring forth, with one towering, fearless ogre (Nick Nolte) especially determined revealed here.

"Spiderwick" is another in a long line of children’s books translated for the big screen, and that’s part of its problem. If you’re going to compete in an arena already owned by the "Harry Potter" and "Narnia" franchises, you’d better enter that fray determined to show you can compete favorably with them. And that’s where "Spiderwick" runs into trouble. While it earns points for being genuinely scary and having good special effects, the film isn’t nearly as compelling as its competition, the tale bogs down in its hectic switch from fantasy to reality, and there’s the sense that it might only be here to cash in.



Next up is Doug Liman’s sci-fi thriller "Jumper," a complicated mess that doesn’t offer audiences a single challenge beyond the very real challenge of getting through it.

In the film, Hayden Christensen is David Rice, a jumper whose powers of teleportation are under attack by a Paladin named Roland (Samuel L. Jackson, bleached, bellowing, boring), who is trying to kill David and other jumpers as they leap about the world while David also tries to rescue his girlfriend back in Ann Arbor, Mich.

If Ann Arbor sounds like a comedown considering all the exotic locales the movie visits — from Egypt to Prague, Japan to New York and beyond — it is, for sure, but at least it’s keeping with the movie’s ongoing run of disappointments.

With the exception of Jamie Bell as a fellow jumper (he has the sort of presence Christensen must envy), everything in this exhausting movie goes wrong, which is curious since Liman directed the excellent first "Bourne" movie. And yet here, he puts the squeeze of stupidity on us right from the start. Unless you’re willing to wade through the film’s embarrassing plot holes or are seeking one of the season’s bigger unintended comedies, skip "Jumper." It’s an abstract junker — and in an adolescent way.



But don’t miss Adam Brooks’ "Definitely, Maybe," which is one of the better romantic comedies to come along in awhile. It’s a film that at once embraces formula and, in critical scenes, dismisses it all together. It’s Brooks’ eagerness to try different approaches to the otherwise rote material that gives his movie its offbeat edge and which keeps it rooted in some semblance of reality.

Early in the film, Will Hayes (Ryan Reynolds in a fine performance) is asked a few difficult questions by his inquisitive 10-year-old daughter, Maya (Abigail Breslin). Some of those questions involve sex, which she’s learning about at school, and another involves the reason Will is divorcing Maya’s mother.

That question proves to be the land mine.

Since we don’t know who the mother is, what ensues is a trip back in time to 1992 to find out. There, we see a younger Will leaving his girlfriend (Elizabeth Banks) to work on the Clinton campaign and apparently, when their relationship fizzles in New York, to enjoy his share of women. Those women include an office worker played by Isla Fisher and a journalist played by Rachel Weisz, two fine actresses who join Banks in playing their roles very differently and very well.

It is, in fact, a virtue of the film that none of the women come off as types. Like Will himself, sometimes we like them, sometimes we don’t, which makes for a richer experience all around. Manipulation is at work in this movie — hello, Breslin! — but it doesn’t suffocate you because Brooks increasingly finds ways to deepen his characters, including one played by Kevin Kline, who is so on and so in line with what Brooks is trying to achieve here, he nearly steals the show.

Grades: "Spiderwick": C+; "Jumper": D; "Definitely": B+

View the video review here.

Video Review: The Spiderwick Chronicles, Jumper and Definitely, Maybe

After weeks of reviewing as many Academy Award-nominated films as possible before the Academy Awards hit, this site has sorely lacked reviewing newer, more popular fare now in theaters.

So, here's some atonement--a video-review rundown of three films available everywhere: The Spiderwick Chronicles, Jumper and Definitely, Maybe.

Underdog: DVD Review, Blu-ray Review (2007)

“Underdog” DVD, Blu-ray

Oh, there's reason to fear--"Underdog" the movie is here, this time on DVD and Blu-ray.

Frederick Du Chau's live-action remake of the popular '60s cartoon is a by-the-numbers disappointment, so much so that one has to wonder upon seeing the movie whether Du Chau and his screenwriters now are considered a dog's best friend.

It's questionable.

This fractured, frenetic movie stays true to its source material in that it finds Underdog speaking in hokey rhymes, which might appeal to the very youngest of children (newborns, for instance), but it falls short of capturing the original's corny charm, which admittedly always was best served in small doses.

This isn't an awful movie--at least the animals are winning and Peter Dinklage is fun as a mad scientist--but from the gate, there's no question that its aspirations only were second-rate.

Rated PG. Grade: C-

Read the full review here.

The Golden Compass: Movie Review (2007)

Losing its way

Written and directed by Chris Weitz, based on the novels by Philip Pullman, 114 minutes, rated PG-13.

Much like Joe Wright's forthcoming film "Atonement," Chris Weitz's "The Golden Compass" scores best in that it's undeniably a great-looking movie.

A very good Nicole Kidman, for instance, is a golden vision of cinematic perfection, slinking with smiling menace through an imperfect movie stymied by an unnecessarily dense script and a chafe, baited ending that offers more disappointment than satisfaction.

Weitz based his script on the first book in Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy, and he uses his $180 million budget to create a world that hovers somewhere between the sterility of science fiction and the richness of fantasy. As a result, the movie can be beautiful and harrowing, but too often, it also is canned and derivative.

In many ways, "Compass" will remind viewers of 2005's "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe," a superior film that grabbed audiences from the start with the dramatic pull offered by its well-rounded characters and story, and the seamless incorporation of its special effects, which were among the year's best.

Though "Compass" follows "Narnia" in that it has created something of a stir within the restless Catholic League, which has since condemned the movie for what it views as atheist undertones, it otherwise is nowhere near on par with "Narnia."

What's missing isn't just a sense of magic to the production and a clear idea of all the evil working to undo young Lyra (Dakota Blue Richards), who is in possession of the golden compass of the title, an alethiometer used to mine the truth in all things asked of it. What's critically missing here is soul, gathering momentum and a lasting element of danger, all of which would have helped "Compass" to match "Narnia's" operatic tone.

About the compass of the title. Lyra receives it from her uncle, Lord Asriel (Daniel Craig, wasted), who instructs her to keep it hidden from Kidman's Mrs. Coulter, a glam tour-de-force who represents the Magisterium (or the Catholic Church--you decide), and who is all about crushing free will in children. So, yes, she's about as warm and snuggly as an ice pick. Or that other Coulter--Ann.

When Mrs. Coulter demands that Lyra accompany her on a journey away from Jordan College, where Lyra attends school, Lyra is seduced into believing that she'll be going to the north, where Asriel has departed for his own adventures and a friend of hers has gone missing.

Along with her "daemon" Pantalaimon (voiced by Freddie Highmore), a furry little beast that represents an extension of Lyra's soul (everybody in the movie has one of these creatures), she climbs into Coulter's sleek-looking Zeppelin and off they go--straight into trouble, the heart of which is revealed when Lyra comes to learn all that Coulter is about.

Helping Lyra fight the Magisterium is the warrior polar bear Iorek Byrnison (Ian McKellen), whose battle with the ferocious polar bear, Ragnar (Ian McShane), allows the movie a needed slice of action, as well as the Gyptians, scores of witches and even Sam Elliott as a gun-toting cowboy, all of whom factor into the final battle scene.

In less than two hours, "The Golden Compass" packs in all of this and more--too much more, really--building questions along the way that are left unanswered in one of the year's most rushed, unsatisfying endings, one that departs radically from the book. While those questions likely will be answered in future movies, the grumbling among the audience members at my packed screening suggested that at least a few of them should have been answered right there and then.

And they were right.

Grade: C+

Fred Claus: Movie Review (2007)

Reindeer roadkill

Directed by David Dobkin, written by Dan Fogelman, 114 minutes, rated PG.

The new David Dobkin movie, "Fred Claus," serves audiences one lukewarm cup of holiday cheer.

It’s reindeer roadkill, a movie filled with stale jokes and rote storytelling that nevertheless attracted an A-list cast, three of whom have won Academy Awards, two of whom have been nominated for said awards, and all of whom might just be Pod people because it’s difficult to believe that they agreed to do any of this.

Tell me, how do you suppose the film’s producers got Paul Giamatti, Miranda Richardson, Kathy Bates, Rachel Weisz and Kevin Spacey to sign onto this thing? Was it just the money they laid down (probably), or did the actors think that because Academy Award-winning actor Billy Bob Thornton pulled off “Bad Santa,” perhaps they also could do the same for “Fred Claus”? The movie, after all, stars Vince Vaughn in the lead. Maybe they thought it would be crude and kooky, but in a good way.

It isn't.

Whatever the case, “Fred Claus" is day-old nog, with screenwriter Dan Fogelman taking the slimmest of premises and bloating it into a film that offers nearly two hours of comedic tedium. There are laughs here, but too many either are derivative or fall flat. Worse, you’ll find yourself waiting long stretches for each good joke to hit.

The film stars Vince Vaughn doing his best Vince Vaughn as Fred Claus, brother to Nicholas (Giamatti), a.k.a. Santa, whose fame and stature in the worldwide community has turned Fred into something of a grouch and a grinch.

He's a schmuck of the first order, so embittered by the fame, adoration and sainthood his brother has achieved, he has gone the other way. Saddled with debt and stuck in jail, Fred finds himself in the sort of pinch that necessitates him going to the North Pole to help out the big guy for the big night of gift-giving. This displeases his girlfriend (Weisz) and Mrs. Claus (Richardson), allows for his mother (Bates) to belittle him, smoothes the way for Kevin Spacey's mean-spirited efficiency expert, Clyde, to try to undo him, and also allows for the two brothers to come to terms.

This is, after all, a family movie with redemption on its mind, which it unleashes in big piles of forced sentiment at the end.

To be fair to the movie, production values are appropriately garish, John Michael Higgins' head does fine work while superimposed on a little person's body, and there is one sly scene that hints at the sharp, inspired movie "Fred Claus" could have been. It involves appearances by Roger Clinton, Stephen Baldwin and Frank Stallone all bemoaning their fates at being siblings to more famous brothers. The scene has an edge, it's funny and it comes close to the dark truth about brotherly rivalry that "Fred Claus" courts, but which it doesn't have the guts to fully skewer and explore.

Grade: C-

Shrek the Third: DVD, HD DVD Review (2007)

"Shrek the Third: DVD, HD DVD"

Features impressive animation and a few bright spots of humor, but mostly, "Shrek the Third" is dull, unimaginative moviemaking served cold to the masses.

After the death of King Harold (John Cleese), it's revealed to Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz) and Shrek (Mike Myers) that Shrek is next in line to the throne.

It's a job Shrek doesn't want--he is an ogre, after all--and so off he goes with Donkey (Eddie Murphy) and Puss In Boots (Antonio Banderas, a highlight) to find the next in line to the throne, Prince Artie (Justin Timberlake), and also to take his mind off the fact that Fiona is pregnant.

For a villain, the film offers up the weakest imaginable--Prince Charming (Rupert Everett)--whose shaggy blond blowout is the most threatening thing in the movie. It's he who wants to be the king of Far Far Away, and he's enlisted a formidable posse to help him to that end. Trouble is, by the film's midpoint, few will care.

Filled with the easiest sort of laughs--fart and poop jokes--"Shrek the Third" is so disappointingly base, it underscores just how far we've come since Disney’s groundbreaking “Toy Story” hit theaters in 1995.

In this movie, the focus is on creating believable expressions and hair that moves, not laughs that sustain and suspense that builds.

Rated PG. Grade: C

Read the full review here.

Bee Movie: Movie Review (2007)

Of worker bees and drones

Directed by Simon J. Smith and Steve Hickner, written by Jerry Seinfeld, Spike Feresten, Barry Marder and Andy Robin, 100 minutes, rated PG.

(Originally published 2007)

If the new computer-animated movie, “Bee Movie,” had been directed by a queen bee rather than by Simon J. Smith and Steve Hickner, it likely would have been tighter, more productive and had a sense of purpose. The film's worker bees--in this case, the animators and writers--also might have been more focused on creating a great movie, rather than the average one they've given us here.

Unfortunately, too much of “Bee Movie” seems as if it was driven by drones. After an aggressive marketing campaign that naturally highlighted the movie’s high points, the film initially seemed a shoo-in for Academy Awards consideration. And yet “Bee Movie” is a film that likely played out better on the page than it does onscreen.

At least that’s true for its first half. The movie is the pet project of Jerry Seinfeld, who worked for years on the film, apparently polishing it to the point that he rubbed its edges smooth. Some of the dialogue does snap and there are a few good laughs, but they come after a labored first half, from which the film struggles to recover.

Set in New Hive City, the movie follows one Barry B. Benson (voice of Seinfeld), a bee fresh out of college who is inspired to change the world by ending human consumption of honey. For Barry, the idea that humans are robbing hives blind and working bees to death is a good reason to rebel. His idea is to get the humans out of the honey business, and allow some down time for the bumbles.

Helping him in that task is Vanessa (Renee Zellweger), a florist with boyfriend troubles who agrees to help Barry in his quest to sue the human race for enslavement and thievery. Eventually, they wind up in court and it’s here, in the film’s second half, that it finally leaps to life.

This is due in great part to the human race's hefty lawyer Layton T. Montgomery (John Goodman, excellent), who is given to marvelous bouts of histrionics, and also to the fallout that springs from the trial, which is dire. After all, what is the world to do if Barry actually wins his case? Has anyone considered the ramifications? Bees already are in dangerously short supply. If they stop pollinating flowers and plants, wouldn’t a worldwide collapse ensue, with all vegetation dying?

That’s a serious subject to explore, but in a cartoon that would rather squeeze the life out of every bee pun it can get its hands on, the big monster in this movie isn't the human race, but those humans who failed to make a compelling film.

Grade: CView the hi-def video review by clicking here.

View a low-res version of the video review by clicking below:

Ratatouille: Blu-ray disc DVD Review (2007)

"Ratatouille: DVD, Blu-ray"

What this magnificent movie captures isn't just the culinary heart of Paris--itself a feat--but also the hearts of audiences.

It does so through one determined, lovable little rat named Remy (voice of Patton Oswalt), who may have been raised to eat trash, poor thing, but who nevertheless dreams big of becoming a master chef and full-on gourmand.

Still, how to do so when a rat in the kitchen isn't exactly as welcome as, say, the beets in a borscht?

For Remy, it helps if you have the support of a five-star chef like Auguste Gusteau (Brad Garrett), regardless of whether he's dead, which he is, as well as a likable, no-talent lug like Linguini (Lou Romano) to stand in as your puppet, which he does--at least for a while.

From writer-director Brad Bird, “Ratatouille” is as much a love letter to the City of Lights as it is a valentine to those who enjoy the pleasures of le table. What’s essential to its success is that it understands that for some, good food isn't just an artistic expression and creation--it's passion itself.

After all, if a mere noodle can bring together Lady and Tramp, imagine what a perfectly prepared Provencal soup, with its halo of herbs, can do for someone who truly appreciates such a subtle sleight of hand.

With Janeane Garofalo as the saucy Colette and Ian Holm as the evil Skinner, the movie is at its best with Peter O'Toole's Anton Ego, a grim food critic steeped in bitters whose character is so nicely defined, he helps to lift this movie straight into contention for the Academy Award.

Rated G. Grade: A

Cars: Blu-ray disc DVD Review (2007)

"Cars: Blu-ray"

Flat tire.

Pixar's beautiful-looking yet boring computer-animated movie, now out on Blu-ray disc, is the weakest in its collaboration with Disney. You can't win them all, and this time, the studios haven't even come close.

Sandbagged by a joyless mid-section that goes nowhere, this dull movie fails to offer much in the way of wit, energy, heart and entertainment.

The film tries to capture the brisk innovation of, say, "The Incredibles" and the spirit of the "Toy Story" movies, but since it's so focused on achieving the best in cutting-edge animation (which it does), it fails to remember what matters--the story and characters.

As such, it creates the odd movie you forget while watching it.

Rated G. Grade: C

Meet the Robinsons: Movie Review, DVD Review, Blu-ray Disc Review (2007)

“Meet the Robinsons: DVD, Blu-ray”

Where would Disney be without its orphans, those who long for a family they either lost or never had? Up the creek, likely.

Still, while it might seem cliched at this point that the studio still is manufacturing films with those very storylines, their latest animated tale, "Meet the Robinsons," once again proves they know how to do formula right.

In "Robinsons," a 12-year-old boy named Lewis (voice of Daniel Hansen) is saved from an uncertain future at the hands of one sinister-looking villain when into his life comes Wilbur Robinson (Wesley Singerman), a boy with time machine who snatches Lewis into the future, where he meets Wilbur's eccentric family.

Though Lewis would prefer to travel back into the past to face the mother who abandoned him, he is at the mercy of the plot, which has a point to underscore--keep moving forward, kids, don't look back--and where it takes him is to a new level of understanding.

The pacing is problematic--it's an uneven, scattershot rush--but the film rarely is dull and the retro-looking animation favorably recalls "The Incredibles."

Rated G. Grade: B

The Polar Express: Blu-ray DVD Movie Review (2007)

“The Polar Express”

Directed by Robert Zemeckis, written by Zemeckis and William Broyles Jr., based on the book by Chris Van Allsburg, 97 minutes, rated G.

So chilly and devoid of life, it makes sense that this new Blu-ray version of the film was released in time for Halloween.

Using performance capture technology, "The Polr Express" uses real actors--Tom Hanks chief among them--to achieve photo-realism through computer animation. That’s an inevitable progression of the CGI movement, but is photo-realism really what audiences want from an animated movie? If not, “Express” begs to differ.

What we have here is a movie whose computer chip renders beautiful interiors and lands